TOS (lyrics by Gene Roddenberry, Intro by Beth Kellner)

 

Science fiction cabaret:  the grooviest frontier

These are the musical voyages of our star band: The Roddenberries

Our ongoing mission:

To explore strange, new parodies

To seek out new fans, and new cabaret cultures

To boldly go where no star band has gone before!

                    

(Bones, Kirk, Chekov, Spock!)

Beyond the rim of the starlight

My love is wandering in star flight

I know he'll find in star-clustered reaches

Love, sweet love a star woman preaches

 

I know his journey ends never

His Star Trek will go on forever

But tell him while he's wandering his starry seas

Remember... remember me

 

(Bones, Kirk, Chekov, Spock!)

Spock's Hand (lyrics by Ned Sonstein)

 

Spock's Hand

Why do you pinch me so damn tight?

Your hand's a weapon

Turns my body off just like a light

 

Spock's Hand

You don't have to pinch my neck tonight

No emotions allowed here

There'll be no laughing or smiling, that's right

 

Spock's Hand

Why do you pinch me so damn tight?

Spock's Hand

Why do you pinch me so damn tight?

 

Spock's hand (you pinch me so damn tight)

Spock...

 

Don't push away Uhura

You know she wants to do ya

You have to tell her just how you feel

Or she's gonna hook up with Bones McCoy

 

Your Vulcan ears point straight up

We know it's only makeup

Tell us once, please don't tell us again

Logic's your way

 

Spock's Hand

Why do you pinch me so damn tight?

Spock's Hand

Why do you pinch me so damn tight?

 

Spock's hand (you pinch me so damn tight)

Spock's hand (you don't have to pinch me so damn tight)

Spock

Gonna Live Not Die  (Original song & lyrics by Charles Napier, Craig Robertson & Arthur Heinemann)

 

Lookin' for the good land

Goin' astray

Don't cry, don't cry...

Oh, I can have honey

And I can have cream!

 

Gonna live, not die

Gonna live, not die

 

Stand in the middle of it all one day

Look at it shining all around me and say,

"I'm here, oh, I'm here!

In the good land, in the new land, I'm here"

 

Stand in the middle of it all one day

Look at it shining all around me and say,

"I'm here, oh, I'm here,

In the good land, in the new land, I'm here"

Prrressure (lyrics by Beth Kellner)

 

Not on my watch

I could use a scotch

I could some scotch…WHISKEY!

Prrressure, pushing down on me
Repairs will take six hours, but I’ve only got three
It’s a stresser
The circuits overload
It splits my kilt in two
Jeopardizes our crew

Captain, up your shaft!

You know I know this craft
Have you gone daft?  Have you gone daft?

Hold together, man!

It’s a headache knowing what this ship’s all about

The transporter’s down, but "Scotty, Beam us out!”

"Not good enough, Scott, do it now or you’re out of a job!"

Oh my bairns!

Oh my poor bairns

Aye, sir!

I know this ship like the back of my hand
Captain Kirk, I'm working as fast as I can!

They’re gonna blow us up

They're gonna blow us up

We're gonna blow up!

 Aye, sir
 

Ship has needs – gotta meet’em, meet’em
Kirk has needs – gotta meet’em, meet’em


The only way to stop it is to eject the warp core

We’re running out of time, but "Scotty– give me more!"
Maybe next crisis he’ll give me more time...

 

Power leak has unbalanced the ship

And the Enterprise is starting to drift

"Scotty figure this out or we’re all going to die"
But I’m givin’ her all she’s got!  (I need more, more, more...)
"You’ve got to do better, don’t you crack under pressure"

And the engines are much too strained

Dylithium crystals are almost drained

Just give me a wee bit, wee bit, wee bit, wee bit, wee bit, wee bit more time!

 

It’s not luck, and sometimes you’ve got to break the rules

And beat the Kobayashi Maru

We’ll blow in ten minutes

I've to change the laws of physics

 

Do whatever it takes

Punch the warp drive, cut the brakes

This is our last chance

This is engineering … under prrressure

Under prrressure

Prrressure

That's Space (lyrics by Michael Baldwin)

 

Yeah, that's space

The final frontier

We're out here on a mission, baby

Gonna last five years

But if I boldly go where no man has gone before

I might be back, might be back in four

 

Yeah, that's space

And as funny as it seems

Some people get their kicks

Shootin' phaser beams

But I don't let it get me down

'Cause this fine old starship keeps flyin' around

 

I deal with Klingons and Vulcans and Hortas and Tribbles,

and Romulans too

I beam up and down and over and out until I'm blue

But each time I find myself with some  alien race

I sit myself down and I assimilate

 

That's space

And I can't deny it

Many times I thought of cuttin' out,

But Star Fleet ain't gonna buy it

And if I didn't think it was worth a single try

I'd jump on a shuttle craft, then I'd fly...

 

I deal with Klingons and Vulcans and Hortas and Tribbles, and Romulans too

I beam up and down and over and out until I'm blue

And each time I find myself with some  alien race

I sit myself down and I assimilate

 

That's space

And I can't deny it

Many times I've thought of cuttin' out

Kirk ain't gonna buy it

And if that ain't enough to make a grown man cry

I'm gonna dress myself up

I'm gonna dress myself up

I'm gonna dress myself up

In a red shirt

And die

Funeral For a Vulcan (lyrics by Beth Kellner)

 

Oh, Spock

Why'd you have to die?

You didn't have to sacrifice yourself just to save the Enterprise

 

You said, "the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few"

And now, the one

 

Now the ship's out of danger

But you're out of time

I can't even watch that scene 'cause it always makes me cry

Oh, Spock

Why'd you have to die?

Terok N'Or (lyrics by Scott R. Johnston)

 

Deep Space Nine was once Terok N'Or

Now it's Deep Space Nine, not Terok N'Or

Many star dates gone since old Terok N'Or

Saw Cardassian blows on a Bajoran's nose

 

Every Gorn that lives on Deep Space Nine

Knows it's Deep Space Nine, not Terok N'Or

So if you want to go to Terok N'Or

You'd better start at Deep Space Nine

 

Even the Klingon race

Once had no ridges on their face

Why'd they change it, I can't say

It's too late to ask Gene Roddenberry

 

Take me back to old Terok N'Or

No you can't go back to old Terok N'Or

So it's Deep Space Nine, not Terok N'Or

Why'd the name Terok N'Or never work?

The Klingons accuse Captain Kirk

 

Deep Space Nine

Terok N'Or

 

In Mr. Spock's first draft

He was half Martian, and he laughed

And number One was a chick, I swear that's true

But don't ask Pike, he just beeps at you

 

Take me back in time to Terok N'Or

There's a worm-hole there

What the hell is it for?

Now it's Deep Space Nine, not Terok N'Or

There's no blood wine there for you and me

The Klingons accuse the Ferengi

 

Deep Space Nine

 

Inner Light - The Roddenberries
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